A few days ago I came across some notes I’d jotted down as I listened to a fascinating webinar hosted by Dr Clare Beckett-McInroy. Clare was in conversation with Robin Shohet, co-developer of the Seven Eyed Model of Supervision and author of many books, including In Love with Supervision.

I spent time reflecting on the notes, in particular some of Robin’s statements which have stayed with me:

  • Transference always happens
  • Why do I feel guarded with (insert name) and not with (insert name)?
  • We are always coming from our history

As I am sometimes asked in supervision sessions about the term Transference, I thought it would be useful to explore its definition, and how it is relevant in coaching and supervision.

The term Transference originally comes from the therapeutic world, and as I’m not a therapist, I asked my new friend ChatGPT to explain briefly what it is and why it ‘always’ happens. (Please note that ChatGPT can make mistakes.)

 

What transference is

In classical psychoanalytic terms, transference means that we unconsciously project feelings, expectations, or relational patterns from significant figures in our past (parents, caregivers, teachers, early attachment figures) onto people in the present – like a coach, boss, partner, or friend.

For example:

  • You might feel irrationally angry at a calm, warm coach supervisor – because they unconsciously remind you of a past teacher.
  • Or you might idealise someone you’ve just met and want to impress them – because they have similar characteristics to an authority figure from the past who had high standards and expectations.

Why it always happens

Transference isn’t a rare glitch – it’s a feature of how we work as humans. It happens because:

  1. We interpret the present through the lens of the past.
    Our brains and emotions rely on schemas – internal models built from early experiences. When we meet someone new, we don’t start from scratch; we automatically use those templates to predict and interpret their behaviour.
  2. Relationships are emotionally patterned.
    The same neural and emotional circuits that shaped our earliest attachments are reactivated in later relationships. So even if we know someone isn’t our parent or ex, part of us still “feels” like they are.
  3. It’s how emotional learning generalises.
    Transference lets us use previous emotional knowledge to navigate new relationships. It’s adaptive – it saves time and emotional energy – but it can also distort perception.

In short, transference always happens because:

  • The mind organises new experiences through old emotional templates.
  • We can’t meet anyone without also meeting the ghosts of our previous relationships.
  • It’s part of being a meaning-making, emotionally learning human.

 

So why is this important for a coach/supervisee to understand?

If you have ever felt slightly intimidated by a coaching client, the odds are that the client will remind you of someone – often unconsciously. Perhaps a previous employer, an old teacher, a strict parent. When you are feeling intimidated then your responding behaviour will reflect how you feel, either by becoming quiet and unsure of yourself, or perhaps overcompensating by trying to impress or taking control. In response to the transference, your responding behaviour becomes ‘countertransference’.

Neither of these responses are helpful, as you are reacting to that ‘ghost of a previous relationship’. We interpret the present through the lens of the past, but it can distort perception.

Through supervision you can unpick what is happening at the unconscious level and choose to respond from a more informed position, based on who you – and they – are,  in the here and now.

If you would like to explore transference from a neuroscientific, attachment theory or psychoanalytic perspective – ChatGPT will share its wisdom with you. Please note that ChatGPT can make mistakes!

 

Helen Isacke, founder of Trusted Coach Directory is also an EMCC Accredited Coach Supervisor. As a reflective partner, Helen works with coaches who are keen to learn and grow on a professional and personal level through exploring their client work and coaching practice. With 20+ years’ experience of professional coaching, Helen brings a wealth of experience having trained in various coaching models including NLP, Clean Language, FIRO Theory, TA101 and a range of profiling tools.

If you would like to find out more about how Helen, her rates and how she works as a Coach Supervisor, please get in touch to arrange a call [email protected]