We all have coping strategies to manage difficult emotions, and stressful situations, but these can sometimes get in the way of personal growth and meaningful change often without even realising it.

Executives bring their psychological patterns and personal histories into every relationship, including coaching. They often respond to the process the same way they handle other challenges in life. The key question is: what are these patterns and behaviours, and how can you work with them effectively as a coach?

Understanding defence mechanisms allows you to see resistance not as an obstacle, but as valuable insight into how your client processes stress and uncertainty,  and how you can help them move forward

As someone supporting others, whether as a coach, colleague, friend, or family member; understanding defence mechanisms can help you respond with greater patience and empathy. This article explains common defence mechanisms and provides practical strategies for working with people who rely on them.

What Are Defence Mechanisms?

Defence mechanisms are automatic psychological responses designed to protect us from emotional pain or discomfort. When we feel anxious, guilty, or threatened, our mind instinctively reacts with one of these strategies to reduce emotional tension. While they serve a protective function, overreliance on defence mechanisms can block emotional growth and create barriers to meaningful change.

Think of it like a reflex: if someone throws a ball at you, you might flinch or put up your hands without thinking. Defence mechanisms work the same way, but emotionally rather than physically.

Some defence mechanisms can be helpful, but others may create emotional difficulties, relationship problems, or stress when overused or poorly managed.

Using defence mechanisms is like taking pain relief for a headache. In the short term, it helps reduce discomfort and makes it easier to function. But if you rely on it too heavily or take too much, it becomes toxic and harmful rather than helpful.

Clients tend to fall back on defence mechanisms when they feel emotionally exposed or under pressure. Some common triggers include

Fear of failure: Admitting vulnerability can feel threatening.

Fear of change: Even positive change can create anxiety.

Threat to identity: Acknowledging flaws or areas for growth can challenge one’s sense of self.

Lack of trust: Without psychological safety, clients may resist sharing openly.

Common Defence Mechanisms and How They Show Up

Here are some of the most common defence mechanisms, with examples of how they might appear in everyday life and coaching sessions:

1. Denial: Refusing to acknowledge a problem or downplaying its significance.
   Example: “I don’t think that’s really an issue for me.”
2. Rationalisation: Justifying or making excuses to avoid facing the real issue.
   Example: “I’m not progressing because my workload is too high.”
3. Projection: Attributing uncomfortable thoughts or feelings to others.
   Example: “My boss is the problem, not me.”
4. Avoidance: Steering away from difficult topics or skipping sessions.
   Example: Cancelling sessions or changing the subject when sensitive issues are raised.
5. Intellectualisation: Focusing on logical explanations rather than exploring emotions.
   Example: “I understand why this is happening, but it’s just how the business works.”
6. Repression: Blocking out uncomfortable thoughts or feelings.
   Example: “I don’t really remember how that made me feel.”
7. Reaction Formation: Expressing the opposite of what one feels.
   Example: Laughing when discussing a painful situation.
8. Displacement: Redirecting feelings onto a safer target.
   Example: After receiving harsh feedback from a manager, an employee might vent their frustration by being overly critical of a colleague’s work or becoming irritated with a team member over a minor mistake.
9. Regression: Reverting to childlike behaviours when feeling overwhelmed.
   Example: After being assigned a high-stakes project with tight deadlines, an employee might start seeking constant reassurance from their manager, asking for step-by-step guidance, or becoming unusually dependent on colleagues to make decisions.
10. Sublimation: Channelling uncomfortable emotions into something constructive or creative.
    Example: A person who feels angry might take up boxing or throw themselves into a work project.

Why Defence Mechanisms Matter

Defence mechanisms aren’t inherently bad, they’re protective strategies that helped clients survive emotional challenges in the past. However, when they become automatic or overused, they prevent growth and strain relationships. Recognising the pattern behind a client’s resistance allows you to respond with greater empathy and adjust your coaching approach accordingly.

How to Work Through Resistance as a Coach

Defence mechanisms can create barriers to progress in coaching, but understanding them allows you to work with rather than against the resistance. Here are some practical strategies:

Identify the type of resistance: Identify whether the resistance is emotional (fear, anxiety) or cognitive (misunderstanding, lack of clarity). Emotional resistance may require reassurance, while cognitive resistance might need clarification or reframing.”

Clarify emotional vs cognitive resistance: Instead of simply identifying the type, suggest adjusting the coaching style:
“If resistance is emotional, focus on building safety and rapport. If it’s cognitive, focus on providing clarity and structure.”

Challenge gently but directly: Once trust is established, don’t be afraid to hold up a mirror. Compassionately point out inconsistencies or patterns in their responses:
“I’ve noticed that when we discuss this topic, you often change the subject. What’s coming up for you?”

Introduce somatic awareness: Encourage clients to notice how resistance shows up in their body (e.g., tension, shallow breathing) to increase self-awareness and emotional regulation.
“What are you noticing in your body right now as we talk about this?”

Reframe resistance as valuable data: Help clients see resistance not as a problem, but as useful insight into their deeper motivations and fears.
“What do you think this resistance might be trying to protect you from?”

Invite them to ‘try on’ a new perspective: Encourage experimentation by asking the client to momentarily set aside their resistance and explore a different perspective:
“What might change if you approached this with curiosity instead of caution?”

Conclusion

Defence mechanisms are part of being human, they protect us from emotional pain and discomfort. But when they become automatic or extreme, they can prevent personal growth and deeper connections. As a coach, recognising and working with resistance is not about overcoming it, it’s about helping clients feel safe enough to explore, reflect, and grow at their own pace.

Key Takeaway:

Resistance is not a sign of failure;  it’s a sign that you’ve touched on something meaningful. Meeting resistance with understanding, and curiosity fosters deeper growth and more meaningful progress.

Ian Coxan is an experienced and insightful coach supervisor, fostering reflective practice and professional growth. He creates a safe, supportive environment for coaches to explore challenges, enhance their skills, and develop confidence. With a keen eye for patterns and a development-focused approach, he supports coaches on their journey.

When not working with coaches, Ian specialises in helping professionals navigate workplace challenges by transforming struggles into opportunities for growth. Through tailored coaching and practical strategies, he equips clients with the tools to communicate effectively, manage conflict with ease, and thrive in any professional environment.

Read more blogs from Ian.