I had the pleasure of recently running a webinar for the Women’s Network, Cardiff Council. From the questions and comments, it was clear that, even in today’s more ‘equal’ society, that women sometimes struggle to get their point across and be heard in the workplace.

Anecdotally, women are often expected to be more passive and accommodating to others’ ideas, but assertiveness allows women to stand up for themselves without hurting others’ feelings.

So here are my suggestions if you would like to develop your assertive skills:-

Firstly think about any reasons that you may be holding back. For example, this can include

• Worrying about how you might be perceived if you start being assertive, particularly by male colleagues. Women, particularly in leadership roles, may be labelled as “bossy” or “aggressive” when they assert themselves
• Overcoming social and cultural norms; many women are socialized to be more accommodating and less direct.

Next start practicing some assertive ‘ways of being’:-

• Be Clear: Avoid passive language like “I guess” or “Maybe,” which can undermine your message. Instead, say, “I believe” or “I need.”
• State Your Needs Confidently and Directly: e.g. “I need help with this project” or “I need more time to complete this task.”
• Express Your Opinions: e.g. “I think this approach will work best because…” instead of waiting for others to speak first. Note; the word ‘because’ adds an influential quality to your message.
• Express your thoughts honestly using “I” statements:  e.g. “I feel overwhelmed with this workload” is more constructive than “You’re giving me too much work.”
• Use Confident Body Language: Stand tall, maintain eye contact, and use a firm but calm voice. Open body language signals confidence and helps others take you seriously.
• Stop Apologising Excessively: Many women are socialised to apologise for things they don’t need to apologise for. Instead of saying, “Sorry to interrupt,” just state, “I’d like to add something.”

Whilst there are a number of assertive techniques to follow, I like to use this formula:

• Start your conversation with a positive related statement
• Next, state the facts
• Then, state your feelings
• State your needs
• Seek a response

Example: I really value us being on this team, I realise this is a tight timescale and I have problems at home. I feel really uncomfortable when I try to tell you about this. I need some time out, what do you think?

I hope you found this to be helpful and interesting – I’d be interested to find out your thoughts and opinions.

As a coach, I have helped people to develop their assertive techniques – do contact me if you would like to find out more and to discuss if this might be a way forward for you.

Sandra Keith has over 30 years of working with leaders, developing their leadership capabilities through the delivery of training programs and one to one coaching.

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