“I overheard you talking to that customer yesterday and would like to coach you on how you could have got the sale” means I’d like to tell you where you went wrong, how I would do it better, but I’ll be gentle, nod and smile while I do so!

I exaggerate for impact, but only a little!

It’s important to be clear that telling people what to do, outlining a process in a kind, understanding way is not a bad thing to do. In fact, it’s a core leadership skill and there are times when it’s essential.

I did some work with an aeronautical engineering company, and one of my delegates said, “If a member of staff is learning how to fix an engine onto a plane, I’m going to tell them exactly what to do!”

So often though, we bring the approach of telling people nicely into other areas, because it makes us feel good to pass on our learning, to give advice. We do it at work, at home, with friends. And sometimes it’s really helpful. But it’s not coaching.

When you coach, you never give advice. You listen deeply. You ask questions that make the other person think. But you never give advice.

It’s a unique way of working with people. It’s based on the belief that the brain that has the problem also has the solution. The coach’s job is to help them discover that solution.

There’s something so powerful in being listened to by someone who won’t judge you or interrupt, who’s invested in your success without having their own agenda. It’s a magical process.

It’s a skill that leaders can learn quite easily, once they manage to learn how not to give advice after years of being rewarded for doing exactly that.

If you’d like to find out more, I highly recommend any of Nancy Kline’s Time to Think books.

People also get confused about the different types of coaching, and a couple of people have asked me recently what type of coach I am.

I don’t really understand the different distinctions – life coach, business coach, leadership coach. I guess I’m a human being coach! I work with the whole person: your thoughts, your feelings, your physical experiences, because they’re all connected. You can’t think yourself patient!

I also work with my clients in all their environments: at work, at home, with family, with friends, because as Pooh Bear said, “Wherever I go, there I am”. I work with them to hit goals that we set together, but my own goal is ultimately to make myself redundant, because they’ve developed the ability to step back and self reflect, self correct. Put more poetically, they can access their own magic.

That’s what makes coaching so different to other leadership modalities – it’s the only one with the sole focus on developing long-term self-sustaining change .

Maria Cussell helps leaders break through complexity and identify practical next steps. Maria worked in finance for many years and has been a professional coach and coach supervisor for the last decade.

If anything Maria has written resonates and you’d like a chat, just message her on [email protected] or 07884 367763